No More Partitions

This blog post is for Liv Lane's e-course, "How to Build a Blog You Truly Love" - an utterly fabulous course. Learn more about it at http://www.livlane.com/. The exercise is to write about something from the heart, how to really bring it up and share it with others for today's bloghop.

For so long, my life has been partitioned.  Here are the partitions I've had to live with: Sue the Mother Version 1.5 (in a fishbowl during the 15 years of court with the ex before his passing in October 2009). Sue the Mother Version 2.0 (sole custody, with a very very dead ex). Sue the Daughter. Sue the Ex-Wife #3. Sue the Worker. Sue the Teacher. Sue the Sister. Sue the Friend. Sue the Lonely. Sue the Psychic. Sue the Artist. Sue the Writer. (Uhhh, this kind of sounds like Litigation 101, doesn't it? But I don't need no stinkin' comma.)

Notice how these priorities are arranged? Notice very many overlaps there?

When the ex died of cancer two and a half years ago, I was able to drop the alias I used for doing readings...but it took me six months. He tried to get out of child support payments by claiming I was earning buckets and buckets of money doing occult work. Hello? I'm not Kenny, Psychic to the Stars, so I'm not living off readings alone. But I couldn't trust that he was really and truly d-e-a-d for a while at first. So that was one partition that fell over.

I was fired two days before Christmas 2010. I knew I could never work for anyone else again and I knew that the Universe had yanked me out of that job (but it still hurt, ya know?). Thanks to an angel on earth who believed in my dreams, I was able to open my own business in October 2011. The Owl's Lantern (http://www.theowlslantern.com/) combines California art and crafts with classes, workshops, etc. in New Age topics and I'm still able to do readings whenever time permits. Another partition down.

Look again. Sue the Daughter comes in third, right after Sue the Mother. My mother died on January 5th and I miss her terribly,  more than words can speak; I wish I could go over and chat with her at her kitchen table. But...I'M FREE. So much of my spare time was devoted to assisting her (she had COPD for nearly 16 years and pneumonia got her at the very end) that I neglected myself, in a way that was eerily similar to losing my sense of self in my short-lived marriage. It was more insidious because...well, because she was my mother. But I have to admit here that she was a black hole at times, sucking up energies. Heresy to some but very keenly recognized between me and my two sisters. I gave up art for the most part or stabbed at it or dabbled in it (just how many rubber stamps do I have?) I had to juggle my business and her final illness for three months, and then helping to settle her estate for another two months. (If I had to do it all over again, I would, out of love for her, but maybe with a few differences.) So her passing sent THE BIGGEST PARTITION down, shattering it and pieces flying every damn where. Just like when my younger sister flung Mom's yellow Pyrex bowl at the freeway wall and most of the pieces didn't land on the sheet laid down to catch them.

I knew there would be a void. I knew I had to fill it in the right way, not succumbing to old habits or temptations (it's a wonder I regained only 8 lbs out of the 35 I lost). I had some money. Don't think I didn't feel it burning a hole in my pocket.

But I took a basic drawing class (it sucked, truth be told), and allowed myself to sign up for Liv Lane's e-course (see first paragraph). In the first week, we had to write down why we blog, what the purpose of our blogs are, what our core readers are - and over several days I made some Very Interesting Discoveries about myself.

Look at that list again. The artist and psychic parts are dead last. We are all interconnected, from the cosmos to the cellular levels. No man is an island. I had made myself into an island because I was strong, self-sufficient, I had my duties, yadda yadda yadda. This is leading to either revamping this blog or creating a new one, and it led me to realizing there are some things that bore me, but there are other things I want to do. I upgraded my point-and-shoot camera - loving it! - and the next thing I knew, I'd signed up for an autumn photography workshop at Mono Lake. Well, next thing I knew, I realized it was for DSLR cameras. I balked at that. Then I said to myself, "Who the hell am I kidding? I want a Canon Rebel camera, I've wanted one for six years, and I can afford the damn thing. Why do I feel I have to settle for less?" Another partition went kablooey and I trekked over to Sam's Club and got a great deal on a Canon Rebel T3i 600D with everything, just about. And I arranged for private photography lessons.  I know my limitations. I'm deaf and classroom settings are dicey - I can't look through the camera while listening to a teacher. So private lessons it is.

There are some more partitions waiting to come down. After my last boyfriend of ten years ago broke up with me, my father died ten days later and let me tell you, that was a horrible one-two punch (along with a cancer scare). I had allowed myself to entertain the thought of remarriage...and...no, it wouldn't have worked but, like being fired, it still hurt like hell. I decided I could no longer be in the corporate world, it was literally sickening me, and I had to forget about men for a while so I could get my life where I wanted it to be, for my sake and for my daughter's sake. Little did I know it would take a decade and if I'd known, would I have gone through with it all? Gooooood question. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

Now? I'm ready to open up my heart. I'm willing to entertain the possibility of sharing my life with someone else - especially now that I'm building my business and rebuilding my art and my daughter is nearly 20. Yeah, it's a scary prospect. I'm 55 now, will be 56 at the end of September. A lot of men out there think I can fix their problems as a reader. No. That's what I do for a living. Others are scared that I can see right through them. No. I'm not a psychic 7-Eleven. And still others don't like strong,self-sufficient women. Well, slim pickin's, right? No, that's not positive thinking! So that's another partition being worked on.

And I've had to be circumspect over the years, dividing my life between "normal" and "woo-woo" - there are those in my life who do not accept my psychic work. There are those who know it's part of the package deal but we don't talk about it. And there are those who truly do accept that part of me. So I'm kicking that partition away, too.

There are other partitions being torn down as well. But I'll save that for later.

I have to be authentic. I have to be true to myself, not to anyone else's notions of who I should be.

Down with the partitions!!

For My Mother

It is heart-wrenching and soul-searing to watch your mother draw and exhale her very last breath at three in the morning, even though you know she is now forever free from her illness...this is the eulogy I delivered at her memorial service on January 14th. (I have to say here that I don't particularly like the word "eulogy" or the way it sounds.)

In celebrating her life, I think we can all agree that my mother, Janis Shobert, was a very complex woman, but she had a deeply caring and sensitive soul. I don’t know if she was familiar with this Gandhi quote: “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” but she certainly exemplified it. Her life’s events and circumstances instilled within her abundant doses of love, courage, compassion, wisdom, grace and generosity. (Not to mention a great sense of humor and famous one-liners!)

Each and every one of you are here because she touched and impacted your lives directly or indirectly. She truly cared about you. Some of you are alive because she diagnosed your symptoms and urged you to go to the doctor. Some of you have changed or expanded your careers with her encouragement, for example.

Jan couldn’t bear to see suffering, injustice, bullying or other wrongs. I’ve seen her face down people twice and thrice her size and stand up for others. She traded jumper cables for a very neglected grey cat a few houses away and that cat rewarded her with his devotion and an endless supply of mice. She took children under her wing and gave them a safe haven.

Mercy and compassion followed her everywhere she went. She rolled up her sleeves and cared for ill and dying friends and family - she welcomed an unexpected half-sister with open arms and love a few years ago - she slipped money to the newly homeless - gave to the holiday toy drives at the fire department - helped people on their paths of recovery - and as a cancer survivor, she called her former son-in-law when he was dying of cancer and helped to ease his emotional pain. She called friends from the hospital two days before she passed to make sure they were okay.

From I Corinthians 13:13 (RSV)...“So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” That love was the bedrock of her very being and character and helped her to summon her greatest courage in facing the long, dark nights of the soul throughout her life and seeing, appreciating and enjoying the dawns that followed.

And that was her greatest strength, that deep and abiding love.

The countless people she helped throughout her life responded to her wisdom and counsel because they knew this without a doubt: She talked the talk because she had walked the walk many a long, weary mile. She was the real deal and it came through abundantly.

Physically, she was a tiny woman, but spiritually and emotionally, Jan Shobert towered heads and shoulders over most of us. She would disagree with me, saying “But how could I not be there for them?” Well, exactly. She was there for all of us when we needed her and she gave so freely of herself.

Her legacy lives on in each and every one of us in this room. In memory of Jan, be the change you wish to see in the world - by reaching out a helping hand or heart to those who are in need, one person at a time. That’s how Jan made the world a better place in her own way.

You’ve more than earned your rest, Mother, and I’m truly honored to have been one of your daughters and to have had you as my mother and my first and greatest advocate and teacher.

Thank you.

Stranger in a Strange Land

So, some of you know I've been losing weight. This journey recently had a very unexpected...moment? side effect?

A couple of weeks ago, I was at Macy's, taking my lil' tiny mom through Petites and we were going through the "regular" sizes department when I saw this white Jones New York blouse that I wanted to try on, size XL. To my surprise, it actually fit.

Well.

I came back by myself a few days later and wandered through this department among sizes XS to XL and trying on various XL items, most of which fit.

But I couldn't shake off the feeling that this was alien territory because I hadn't been there in a good fifteen years. It was very strange and unsettling. Did I belong there? Did I even have a right to be there? I didn't buy anything that day, but I came out feeling rather disoriented.

The following day, I returned and went up to the euphemistically-named Women's department, for sizes 1X on up (and I will admit to having been a 2X-3X). I walked in to compare notes with having been in that other department...and got smacked by an overwhelming sensation of not belonging there any more. What the hey? What happened? This wasn't my home department any more!

That's when I realized I'd turned a crucial corner in this journey and undergone a fundamental shift in self-perception. Sure, I had cleaned out my closet and drawers and donated a good dozen or more bags of clothing to Goodwill. And, sure, I'd been working out at Planet Fitness. And, yeah, when I hit that plateau in July and August (no gain, no loss), I realized I needed accountability and focus, so I joined Weight Watchers and started losing again. And applying detachment, discernment, compassion to myself and the journey itself.

But it all coalesced in these trips to Macy's. My body and soul were telling me that I was on the right track and that I belonged to the "regular" size department from here on out.

I'm finally starting to grok this concept. And that is a very good thing.

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

Anyone who reads SF/fantasy (and R.A. Heinlein in particular) will understand the title and the phrase. (Yes, I'm part geek.) If you don't...here's a brief explanation:

To grok (pronounced GRAHK) something is to understand something so well that it is fully absorbed into oneself. In Robert Heinlein's science-fiction novel of 1961, Stranger in a Strange Land, the word is Martian and literally means "to drink" but metaphorically means "to take it all in," to understand fully, or to "be at one with." [...] As one character from Heinlein's novel says: 'Grok' means to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes a part of the observed ... (Source: www.Whatis.com)

Exciting Happenings!

Hello, everyone!

There was no newsletter for September because much was developing and happening!

I will hold one last event at my place for a New York medium/shaman - Alexandra Leclere. After that, all events will be held at the new roost for The Owl's Lantern! Read on...

SPIRIT CIRCLE with ALEXANDRA LECLERE
Sunday, October 9th
2 pm
$35 per person
At my Fullerton residence; seating limited to 14 people

Alexandra Leclere is a noted medium and shaman, and author of "Seeing the Dead, Talking with Spirits: Shamanic Healing Through Contact with the Spirit World." She has been featured in the media a number of times and appears in Southern California at The Bodhi Tree and other venues. Because The Owl isn't open yet (more below), she will appear at my place and channel messages from Spirit. Seating is limited to 14 people.

Alexandra is a clairvoyant, clairaudient and clairsentient energy healer who uses her connection with the Spirit World--through seeing, hearing and sensing--to help others heal by identifying and removing their personal obstacles, bring power and joy to their lives. You can visit her website at www.alexandraleclere.com.

For now I'm doing private readings/circles, no classes yet, because...a place has been found for The Owl's Lantern! The lease will be signed this week (knock on wood) and the projected opening date is Saturday, October 22nd. There is much to be done in the interim - booking teachers and readers, healers and artists, events, workshops and classes, getting the place ready, putting together social and print media...I will send out another e-mail to let everyone know the address and definite opening date soon!

With joy and excitement - and let's give Alexandra a big welcome! - SUE

New Development Circle Added!

Hey, everyone!

I'm adding another development circle to my calendar of events - for the first and third Sundays, and the first one will be this coming Sunday, August 21st at 5 pm.

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE
5 - 7 pm
1st & 3rd Sundays, starting August 21
$20
Maximum of 8 people

Join us in this fascinating and productive group! Each Sunday will have different but great results - in a relaxed setting, we practice creating a circle of energy and discerning how it feels, what it consists of and working with it, because it amplifies and reinforces the rest of what we do. We practice meeting, talking and working with our spirit guides, and if our loved ones come in, so much the better! In doing so, we are strengthening our own various psychic abilities and learning more about them. We also work on grounding and centering the energies when we're done - all of which comes in handy any time you do your own meditations, psychic works, and being among people with difficult energies. This is a very practical, hands-on (or minds-on) ongoing circle, and newcomers are always welcome, while returning participants can come and go any time. With that kind of mix, you learn to work with different energies each time. I don't do readings - rather, I lead, facilitate, and monitor the circle, and I toss out questions, suggestions, and a comment or two on the energies surrounding each participant. If you have dowsing rods, whether home-made or purchased, bring 'em. They help to make the energies "visible"!

Eat lightly beforehand and dress comfortably. The Monday development circle (at my home) continues as usual - and what fun it is!

LOCATION:
Jade Healing & Hula Studio
13730 Goldenwest St., Suite B
Westminster 92683
(Go up the stairs, first door on the right)

Contact Ericha Duran, 714-609-0937 or e-mail me for questions or reservations.

August Doings with Sue!

Hello, everyone!

I'll freely admit I'm no fan of hot summer weather - but summer does have several lovely things going for it. A pool on a hot day, the grill going, and sitting on my patio in the morning, enjoying the blooms of the geraniums, pansies and sky blue morning glories. My apartment has a lot of windows and I love the way the light pours in from dawn to sunset, changing each hour. It's also a more sociable time - I've been reconnecting with people I haven't seen in years (one visit was with women I haven't seen in over forty years!), and I've made the drives to Carpinteria and Santa Barbara, and to the San Jose area. Such drives let my mind rest and expand and declutter. (Speaking of decluttering...I'm mapping out a strategy for cleaning out my garage...wish me luck!)

I know many of you are doing the same - staying cool, taking vacations, making the most of the slow days of August. Putting on my astrologer's hat...The planet Mercury is retrograde until August 26th - it rules communications and travels of all kinds. It doesn't actually go backward - but to our eyes, via the telescope, it appears to do so. This happens three times a year, for about 21 to 24 days at a time, and we are asked to go within and sort out our selves. When we ignore that, communications seem to go more haywire than usual because we're dealing more with the external world than the internal world and it's a case of "when worlds collide." Plans suddenly become altered, travels may be delayed, electronics can malfunction, an item purchased may not work the way it's supposed to, things or thoughts get misplaced, courses of action started peter out or have vastly different outcomes, and misunderstandings are par for the course. On the other hand, lost items suddenly resurface in unexpected places, one hears from people out of the blue, ideas or concepts become more clear, repairs straighten things out. As a rule of thumb, think of all words that begin with "re" - relax, reorganize, rejuvenate, regress, repair, renegotiate, replenish, return, remember, revisit; the list goes on! They are the keywords for any Mercury retrograde. Take the time to slow down, think twice, plan thrice, and go with the flow! For those of us born with Mercury retrograde - I'm one of them - we welcome you to our landscape. ;-)

Here is the calendar of August events! They are at my residence; please contact me to reserve your space and I'll send you my address and directions.

DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE
7 - 9 pm
2nd and 4th Mondays, August 8 and 22
$15
Maximum of 8 people

Join us in this fascinating and productive group! Each Monday has different but great results - in a relaxed setting, we practice creating a circle of energy and discerning how it feels, what it consists of and working with it, because it amplifies and reinforces the rest of what we do. We practice meeting, talking and working with our spirit guides, and if our loved ones come in, so much the better! In doing so, we are strengthening our own various psychic abilities and learning more about them. We also work on grounding and centering the energies when we're done - all of which comes in handy any time you do your own meditations, psychic works, and being among people with difficult energies. This is a very practical, hands-on (or minds-on) ongoing circle, and newcomers are always welcome, while returning participants can come and go any time. With that kind of mix, you learn to work with different energies each time. I don't do readings - rather, I lead, facilitate, and monitor the circle, and I toss out questions, suggestions, and a comment or two on the energies surrounding each participant. If you have dowsing rods, whether home-made or purchased, bring 'em. They help to make the energies "visible"!

SPIRIT CIRCLE
2 - 4 pm (but I do tend to run into overtime as they're so talkative)
August 14
$40 per person
SPECIAL - Bring a friend, $35 per person!
Maximum of 10 people

No spirit circle is ever the same! I bring through your loved ones (two-footed and four-footed) with love and laughter, as well as messages on an as-needed basis from the guides. No one leaves without being in touch with a loved one - and it's a great joy for me to bring them through. They tell me it's such a joy, too, for them to connect with us like this even though they're around us a lot of the time. Join us for a great afternoon of communications!

There will be no classes or workshops until September because people are wrapping up summer, dealing with back to school shopping or college financial aid, and I'm still scoping out locations in Fullerton for The Owl's Lantern. However, I'm always available for private readings, whether one on one or for private spirit circles, at my place or at yours. Contact me if you're interested and have dates in mind, and I'll check my calendar. And if you are interested in private workshops, let me know. For those of you who live over 50 miles away, I'm always willing to travel to your area - I would be interested in doing a development circle on a monthly or semi-monthly basis in the north San Diego county area, and I need no prompting to jump in my car and drive up to Carpinteria, a town that is near and dear to my heart. For the Bay Area, contact me and we'll get something worked out! Ditto for Arizona and other nearby states.

EXTRA!! I'm considering putting together a trip to Sedona, Arizona and guiding people to the vortex areas in early to mid-October (my guides have told me to do this). Please contact me if you're interested and I'll send you a brief outline of what I have in mind.

Please feel free to forward this e-mail to anyone who would be interested in partaking of what I do.

Enjoy your summer and always remember that Love never dies; it is the energy upon which our Universe runs. Love and be loved - that is all that is required of us. Everything falls into place when we follow this!

Blessings, Sue

Summer's here with a whole lot of fireworks! While the search continues for The Owl's Lantern to find her own roost, I've put together some exciting and fun doings at my place and one other location. A big THANKS to those of you who came to the LBWS Summer Solstice Faire last Saturday - you helped to make it a great day!

Please feel free to forward this e-mail to anyone who would be interested in attending, and if you're interested in attending, please reply to this e-mail for reservations and directions.

Monday, June 27 DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE
7 - 9 pm, $15
Ongoing - 2nd & 4th Mondays
Maximum of 8 people

This circle has gotten off to a great start! The focus is on you learning how to get in touch with your spirit guides, your loved ones on the other side, or your abilities. This night, we'll continue getting in touch with our guides and obtaining information from them, while continuing to learn to work with energy in an informal, relaxed setting. Dress comfortably and eat lightly before coming.

Saturday, July 9 SPIRIT CIRCLE with CHARLES FILIUS
2 pm, $35
Maximum of 10 people

The "Comedium" is back for another spirit circle loaded with laughs! Need I say more? M&Ms will also be present!

Monday, July 11 DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE
7 - 9 pm, $15
Maximum of 8 people

As we continue to work with our spirit guides and hopefully meet even more guides, I'll discuss how our bodies and senses (physical as well as extra-sensory) play a part in the work that we mediums and psychics do. Newcomers are always welcome! Dress comfortably and eat lightly before coming.

Sunday, July 17 SPIRIT CIRCLE
1 pm, $40 (bring a friend, $35 per person!)
Maximum of 10 people

Join me for a circle full of love, laughter and joy in being with our loved ones again! And, yes, the M&Ms will be available!

Sunday, July 24 ALL'S FAIR IN LOVE & WAR...OR IS IT?
1 - 3 pm, $25
**Different Location** Jade Hula & Healing
13730 Goldenwest, Suite B (upstairs), Westminster
(714) 609-0937 or e-mail me

Okay, you say, I'm a Gemini and my partner is a Virgo. How come we get along even though all the books say we're not supposed to? My boss and I are the same sign so why do we drive each other nuts? Or you might say, well, I'm a Cancer and I can't understand my Scorpio child, help! No worries, help has arrived in the form of this fascinating workshop - which will help you to cope with your boss, child or partner! You'll learn about signs and why they're compatible or incompatible with each other, as well as how the planets play their part (including Mars and Venus) in creating compatibilities or conflicts and how to handle them. Spot readings are included! I have over 40 years of astrological experience and observations to bring to the table.

Monday, July 24 DEVELOPMENT CIRCLE
7 - 9 pm, $15
Maximum of 8

I haven't decided yet what this evening's format will be...but it'll be interesting!

READINGS

As always, I'm available for readings and spirit circles at my place or at your place. Just e-mail me and we'll work out the details. (I won't be available for readings between July 28-August 2.)